2013 Resolutions, Maybe?

I am not a good friend, nor have I been a very good daughter. I am not perfect, for I am human, just like you, just like everyone else. Because of that, I try to compensate, by trying my very best to help others. All my life, I've sacrificed so much for my family and my closest friends. I don't have many friends per se, but I do have very few close friends, and a best friend, who has been with me through thick and thin. For that, I am very thankful.

This year, I have a few goals or aspirations that I would like to achieve. Here's my list:

1. I want to go to a concert or a live performance. I want to see one particular singer perform live. I hope he'll come to Kuching this year. I'm hopeful.
2. I want to visit another state in Malaysia, or a foreign country. I will visit my bestie in Pahang, but I really want to visit a new place. Maybe Indonesia or The Philippines, or just another state that I've never visited. Perhaps Johor, and straight to Singapore?
3. I want to save more money. For obvious reasons. 
4. I would love to be able to rent a kiosk for me to sell my craft supplies and handmade creations.
5. I want to write more, and blog more. By blogging more, I mean writing more posts for myself, and writing more posts to monetise my other blogs.
6. I want to craft more, make more cards and other crafts. I also want to learn to make new crafts.
7. I want to lose weight and fat! At least a kilo a month, that would be great. And I need to Zumba more.
8. I want to learn to drive, and get a driver's license. I must! So that I can drive to beautiful places in Kuching, and I can drive myself to bazaars without relying on others.
9. I want to do something that scares or intimidates me every day.

In general, I want to be a better sister, daughter and friend, and I want to be a better entrepreneur. I want to overcome some of my weaknesses such as procrastination and moodiness, and overall, I just want to be more positive. I don't want to dwell in negative things, and I want to learn to forgive and love myself more.

I guess that's about it. I like the number 8. I'm superstitious like that. (Update: Added another resolution. :D)

Lessons Learnt in 2012

This year has been a year full of obstacles for me. Nevertheless, the obstacles come with many blessings, and I feel deeply grateful for everything that I have right now.

1) Pray and Have Faith
I have learnt a lot, and I believe I have grown, both spiritually and mentally. Spiritually, I have seen and experienced miracles from God, not in forms of unbelievable miracles like the blind can see and the cripple can walk (lol) but in tiny forms like getting my prayers answered, and seeing God's blessings in my life every day.

Whatever religion you believe in, it's always good to pray. Don't pray just when you need answers, but pray whenever you can. Pray just to thank Him, and He will always be there for us, no matter what. That's what I believe in. He has never failed me, and He has always helped me go through the many problems in my life. I am grateful that I have Him.

I will continue to pray every day, be it just to say thank you, or to ask for help. Prayer is key.

2) Lower Your Expectations
I used to have high expectations of everyone and everything, and I always get disappointed. It's like I don't learn at all from all the disappointments. I still have high expectations, especially when I know the person can do what he or she needs to do, and even more so if I believe in him or her.

I really need to lower my expectations and standards, I guess. I should not expect everyone to think like me, and I'm not boasting or anything, please forgive me, but some people do not have common sense. I do not know why, but common sense is not something you can learn or teach.

If I expect less, I will be less disappointed too. And less disappointments mean more happiness.

3) Don't Be Afraid to Cry
Yup, just cry. Bail like a baby. Cry your heart out. Do not be afraid to cry once in a while. Someone once told me that crying is a form of cleansing. Let the tears just run down your face. Imagine all your worries and sadness just flow out of your heart, leaving more room for happiness.

Do not be afraid to cry. It's perfectly okay to cry. It is also a form of healing, as long as you don't dwell in your sorrow. Once you're done crying, dry your tears and pick yourself up. Rise, higher than before, and know that you are now strong enough to face anything.

Just don't let your sadness control you. Remember that.

4) Forget Your Ego
Once in a while, forget your ego. I did. I had to ask for my father for some monetary help recently. I could have asked him years ago, but at that time, I didn't want to burden him. Since I was having monetary problems, things were not so good at home, and I had this thought that my parents did not care about what I do.

It turned out that he has always wanted to help me with my online business, but he did not know how to. When I asked him for help, I am glad I did. Now, I have enough funds to buy extra stocks for my business, and I have a better relationship with my father. I am so grateful that I turned to him for help.

Ego? What ego?

5) Always Think Positive
I was kind of a negative person when I was younger, but I've learnt that being negative is bad for me. I have learnt that by thinking positive, I would feel happier, worry less, and all the positive thoughts attract positive things into my life.

I am less angry, more patient, and more tolerant towards others, even those who tend to annoy me. I am also more grateful, and I count my blessings every day, no matter how small they are. I also surround myself with people who are positive, and avoid those who complains or whine too much.

I know it sounds selfish, but trust me, you would want to do things for yourself, because no one else would do it for you. You might as well do it for yourself, right now.

I am constantly learning new things every day, and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to share my thoughts as well. Of course, I have learnt more things than what I have listed here, but these are the ones that I would really love to share. Thank you for taking time to read my post. Cheerio and stay positive!


Note: This post first appeared on MotivationMY.com [http://www.motivationmy.com/2012/12/2012reflections-by-debbie-phatelara.html]

Where Art Thou?

I had the most vivid dream last night. It was about someone I know, but have not met in person. I was walking in a place, like a long, wide hallway and there he was, about to go to gym. Weird, I know.

Anyway, he saw me and smiled, and I walked towards him. He sat down, and I sat next to him. We started talking about his work (I know it's weird but he has a really interesting and fun job).

That's when he held out his hand and said, "Here, take it. Deep conversations must be accompanied with this. It makes it deeper."

And he smiled.

And I took his hand, our fingers intertwined, and my heart skipped a beat. I swear I could feel the warmth of his right hand when my left hand touched it, and I had butterflies. Like omaigadddd.

I also knew that I was just dreaming, and I was like, please don't wake up! I can't remember how the dream ended, though, but it was a nice dream.

I tweeted about it, and my friend, Shem tweeted me back. She said, maybe it's a sign. I replied, maybe. I told her, I want someone whom I can have deep conversations with. Someone who won't fall asleep like you-know-who. And she said, he's not even worth mentioning. Shem said, "Every HE is better than him." Amen to that!

Dear you who was in my dream, if only you know how I feel about you. It's crazy. I'm crazy. But it's okay, I doubt that we can be together anyway. I hope you'll find someone who's as awesome as you are. Someone who enjoys the things that you love too. Sincerely, me.

I Want Kids

At my age, I think I am ready to have a baby. I can picture getting up at odd times and totally screwing up my sleeping time for a baby. I can absolutely picture having a baby with me at all times, going anywhere and everywhere. We would do all things together; shopping, lunch, meeting up with friends, going to craft bazaars when she or he gets a little bit older, and more.

I had the chance to meet up with my bff's sister in law the other day before flying home to Kuching. I had to pass some things to my bff, and since she couldn't come down to see me, her awesome SIL came by with her younger son. She has 2 sons, but the eldest was still asleep at home with the dad. Like OMG, her son is so adorable! I waved goodbye to him and he waved back, and that's when he smiled. I was heartbroken. Heartbroken that I didn't get to spend more time with the boys. Sigh.

Yesterday, my cousin's daughter came by our home with my sister. My sister came home for a week's holiday, and she has been bringing Yuki over to our home during the evenings for the past few days. Yuki is another kind of adorable. She's shy at first, but once she feels comfortable with me, she could talk to me like any 3 year old would. So effin adorable!

I was drawing her, and she asked, "Mana shoes Yuki?" As in "Where's Yuki's shoes?" Le sigh. Could a girl be any cuter?

She's so smart, and sweet and so cute! I wish she's mine. I wish I could keep her. I would make a terrific mother to her. I could teach her many things, and she would speak English fluently. I think I will start introducing more English words to her.

Yuki stays with her parents (her dad is my first cousin) a little far from where we live, and I've heard stories that her mom doesn't feed her well. I mean how can a 3 year old survive on milk alone? The mother spends all day playing pc games and eating ramen noodles. Crazy! She's so going to get it from me as soon as I get to see her, although my mom told me not to. She said it's not our place. Urgh! And Yuki's life is in jeopardy because of an irresponsible mother? God, help her!

Yuki's coming by this evening as well, since my sister is flying back to Miri tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to hanging out with her again.

Happy Birthday Dear Brother

Today is my brother's 20th birthday. While it does make me feel a tad bit older, it marks an extra special day for my brother and I. October is not only his month, but it's also my 4th year in online business. For those reasons, I am feeling super grateful.

When I came home from KL to be with him when he was undergoing treatments and surgeries for cancer, I had to lose many things. I lost a relationship, and many personal belongings due to the breakup, and I also lost business deals, since KL brings a lot more business than Kuching back then. However, I don't regret any of those sacrifices. I am so thankful that I decided to leave KL for good, and spend my time with my brother instead.

Since I'm not attached with any companies, nor do I have a job that pays me salary every month, I am grateful that I still have my online business. It doesn't pay as much as I'd like it to or as much as people would always assume, but it gives me total freedom to do anything I please, at my own time. I always have time for my hobbies, and I definitely have time for my brother. My brother, and my crafting hobbies keep me sane.

However, I do get judged by others who don't get why I am not working at a proper office. They don't get why I decide to run a home-based business, and I don't blame them, really. I just wish they would ask me why, instead of judging me and saying things behind my back. I doubt that my mom understands me either. Not that I don't tell her anything because we have never been so close, but no matter how many times I explain to her about the nature of my work, she'd never understand. Or maybe she refuses to understand. I don't know.

Today is supposed to be all about my brother. It's his special day, and he deserves it. I'm baking a chicken pie for him today. He doesn't take much processed carbs, but he loves potatoes and chicken, so a chicken pie is perfect for him. He doesn't take dairy products either, except for eggs, and therefore, he said that he doesn't want any birthday cakes. Instead, we bought a banana cake for him to enjoy today.

I wish you many more years and many more birthdays to come, my dear baby brother. I love you so much, and I wish you all the happiness, health and success. Go forward, and reach for your dreams. Never give up!

I Am Happy

I'm happy. Well, I try to be. I try every day not to think about my problems, and settle them one at a time. I'm happier now than ever. I think I was miserable for the past 2 years. I was the worst version of myself, and I don't really want to remember how I was back then.

I find out that it's easier for me to be happy when I try to see the brighter side of things. It's tough to do so in certain situations, but once I get over the painful part, it is possible. Of course, a support system is always needed, and I think I'm okay with the people I have in my support system.

I've learnt that I should rely on no one else but myself, but I've also learnt to be humble enough to ask for help whenever I'm in trouble. Instead of complaining of why some people don't care, just ask them for help. Maybe they do want to help, it's just that they don't know how. Some people are not good at showing emotions either, so I've learnt to understand that.

The most important thing that I've realised is that I shouldn't expect too much from everyone. What I should focus on is what I'm doing right now, and focus on myself. I should also remember those who are willing to be there for me throughout my journey in life, and cherish them forever. For now, I know who those people are, and they're the ones who deserve my time and attention.

I hope, with God's will, that I will stay positive and humble, and always caring. I hope I will never get tired of being my sensitive, selfless self.

Mini Reunion at Bla Bla Bla

I've never been to any reunion before. And last night I did. I went to a mini reunion. Why mini? Because there were only 5 of us. There were a few more who also live in Kuching, but they couldn't turn up for various reasons.

Anyway, I was the earliest to arrive. Bla Bla Bla restaurant is pretty cosy, although I didn't like the incense smell in the ambience. I think they have the zen kind of theme, I don't know. Then, my ex classmate, Gwen came, followed by Alicia, Celestea and Pamela. I haven't seen everyone in like 14 years!

Everyone look the same, like Gwen said. Everyone look gorgeous, classy and elegant too. It's nice to catch up with everyone, reminiscing about the good old days when we were teens, and talking about our present and also future.

One for the memories :)

The food at Bla Bla Bla was really good! We had soft shell crab, midin stir-fried with red wine, lamb, salmon with cangkuk manis, duck meat, and prawn. Most of them are the restaurant's signature dishes, picked by Alicia, who has been there before. I personally think that the food there is not too pricey, compared to its huge portions. And they're absolutely delicious too! I have no complains!

Sorry, no pics of the food, though. :P Gwen has them all in her phone, but I didn't take any foodie pics.

Gwen announced that she and her boyfriend, Danny is getting engaged today. So congrats, Gwen and Danny! Wish you guys all the happiness in the world.

I'm so glad I made it to the mini reunion. Part of the reason why I came anyway, even though I was reluctant at first was because Gwen personally invited me via Facebook, since she didn't have my number. I was rather touched that she thought of me, when everyone else, even those who were close to me in school or college didn't bother to contact me to meet up whenever they're in town.

I also love how we spoke in English when I wasn't good in verbal English back in school. Everyone has become mature, although we're still young at heart. I think I'll say yes to future high school reunions, but perhaps not to college or uni reunions. We'll see.

Does Happiness Scare You?

I have been thinking of writing a new post for days now, but I have been busy with updating my webstore and Facebook pages. I also had a custom order for a Mother's Day card. I still need to take photos of my ready-made ribbon and metal bookmarks as well.

Well, those were the things I did, other than my daily chores like cooking for Jojo and whatnot. Anyway, I've been pretty happy lately. I have started my Daily Gratitude journal, which I have not written in for days too. Guilty as charged!

Does happiness scare you? It does scare me a little. Sometimes when I'm so happy, I start to think that something might go wrong, or maybe I might cry the next day. Things like that always happen to me. But then again, maybe it's because I DO think that it will happen, that it comes true anyway. Does that make sense?

God has always been good to me, of course. I've been blessed. I won a Toshiba earphone from Kak Emila Yusof recently, and my cheesy poem was mentioned by Narmi. How cool is that?

I think it's essential that we always remember to give thanks to God every day for everything that we have. I always make it a point to thank Him, and be grateful for everything that I have. Everything happens for a reason, and my life is like this because it's part of His plan. I truly believe in that. I will never let anyone make me feel like I'm unworthy or undeserving of what I have right now.

Appreciate the little things. Little things like being able to pay RM2 per day via Maxis to be able to tweet, keeps me sane. Keeps me feeling social, like my friend, Shemah said to me when we texted just now.

Things like this beautiful sunset photo I took at Kuching Waterfront recently, makes me happy too. I just love nature, and a gorgeous day with blue sky and white cotton candy clouds make me deliriously happy.

Sunset at Waterfront Kuching. The very pic I used as background
for the poem I sent to Narmi. :)

I need to shop for a friend's birthday gift. Maybe next week, I will. For now, contemplating on what to get for her. Hehe. Happy Sunday! :)

I Define Me

Growing up, I was not the friendliest or the most outgoing person. I was more quiet and reserved; the typical Capricorn. I was also shy, I still am, especially with strangers or people I barely know. I've been told by close friends that I take quite some time to warm up to people, which I think is a problem.

I have always wished that I'm friendlier or at least have that approachable look. Now that I'm an adult, I understood that being shy and reserved is not a curse, and it does not mean that I am unapproachable. People told me that I look unapproachable because they were intimidated. Funny, because I never thought of myself as intimidating. I was the one who's always feeling intimidated of others.

However, whether you're outgoing and friendly, or quiet and reserved like me, there's nothing worse than letting your personality be defined by others. It irks me when people let others define them. No one can change who you are but yourself, and that only happens when you really want to change. People can label us, judge us and say anything about us. We can never stop them from saying anything, but what we can do is just to not listen to them, and not letting what they say get to us.

I know it's easier said than done, but if you keep on telling yourself that, you'll never stop caring about what those insignificant people say about you. Their opinion shouldn't matter, after all, it's your life and your choices. Perhaps, if you really want to listen to others, listen to your parents or your close friends, but not those who don't care about you at all, especially when the going gets tough.

“Isn't it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up?”

― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens

People are always going to have tons of things to say about us, no matter what we do. Why not just do our thing, our way, and give them something good to talk about?


Image: Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sorry by Narmi (Lyrics and Video)

If you know me like my brother does, you'll know how I spend my Saturday nights. We rarely go out at night, by choice, mind you, and what we do? Watch What Men Want on ntv7. Yup, I even make my brother watch it with me and surprisingly, the show appeals to guys too.

I didn't watch the first episode on tv, but I did so on tonton.com.my. I stumbled upon episode 2 by chance, when I was bored one Saturday night and mom was watching something else on tv in the kitchen. The rest, as they say, is history. Tonight's episode will be the 8th, and there are 13 episodes altogether.

What Men Want is about how 6 men from different backgrounds, upbringing, and careers were chosen to live for 3 months under one roof. During the 3 months, they're followed by cameras and crews almost everywhere they go, and having every moment of their lives recorded and edited to be shown to the viewers.

It's pretty interesting to see how the guys are different from each other, and things sometimes get intense, like really intense. Sometimes they are given tasks too, and tonight's episode is named, House Arrest. No one's allowed to come into the house, and no one's permitted to go out. We shall see how the episode unfolds.

I have heard of One Buck Short a long time ago, back when I was in uni, but it was a nice surprise to know that Narmi aka Imran, the drummer of One Buck Short is also in What Men Want. He's currently working on solo projects, and he has been performing in and around KL for the past few years. He is super talented, and I'm a huge fan. He is super cute too, but don't tell him I said that. Lol! I doubt that he will read this post, though, but I don't know.

Narmi has recently opened for Kina Grannis's show in KL. I've never heard of Kina Grannis before, and thanks to Narmi, I now love Kina Grannis! :)

Anyway, I feel like sharing a video of Narmi performing a song called Sorry, live at Ovo. The performance was also shown in What Men Want episode 3. For those who are looking for lyrics of this song, here it is:


Please forgive me for my sin,
Cuz in your arms is not where I felt I should've been,
why did I give you this burden?
I'm asking myself how we got in this position


It's nice to know you still care,
it comforts me..
It's nice to know you'll be there,
just for me
and I'm


Sorry, I didn't know what came over me
Maybe I just needed some time to see
Sorry, this isn't how it's supposed to be
Forgive me


The cut heals deep beneath the skin,
So I've gotta treat the wounded deeper from within
but it's better now than ever,
half a decade of our pain and pleasure


It's nice to know you still care,
it comforts me..
It's nice to know you'll be there,
just for me
and I'm


Sorry, I didn't know what came over me
Maybe I just needed some time to see
Sorry, this isn't how it's supposed to be
Forgive me






Follow Narmi on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/narmiadventures (I copied the lyrics from his FB page hehehe) or on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/narmi_i. Tell him I sent you there ya! :)

Happy watching, happy singing, and happy weekend! :)

Patah Seribu and My Malay Poem

Shila Amzah and Sharnaaz in Patah Seribu music video

I've recently listened to Shila Amzah's song called Patah Seribu. The other night, I listened to it on my phone, and I couldn't help but cry. If you understand Malay, you'll know how sad this song is, and how it would make anyone cry.

It made me cry because I miss my 5-year relationship with my ex. I miss our memories, and all the things we went through. I just hope he is happy with whoever he's with right now, and I wish I will meet someone who'll me me happy too, someday.

I could listen to this song over and over again, and Shila's voice would never bore me. I think she's very talented. The song is also featured in a Malay telemovie of the same title, with Shila Amzah as Bella and Sharnaaz as Azu. Sharnaaz is the guy in the music video, and Shila's off-screen boyfriend.

This song has inspired me to write a Malay poem. In the spirit of sharing, since I shared part of my English poem recently, here's the Malay poem I wrote after I cried listening to this song.

Puas kutahan namun kutewas
Akhirnya air mata gugur jua
Membasahkan lembaran buku nota
Yang kekosongan tiada jiwa


Walau kucuba untuk melupa
Kadang kau datang dalam fikiran
Tanpa diundang tanpa dipinta
Pergi kau jauh terus menghilang


Sehingga kini tidak kutahu
Apa salahku apa dosaku
Yang kau tinggalkan yang kau duakan
Yang kau bohongi yang kau putuskan


Telah ku hapus semua kenangan
Kini kucuba jalani semua
Telah kuterima ketiadaanmu
Pergilah engkau dari hidupku


Maafkan aku andai ku salah
Aku hargai kerna kau singgah
Hanya doamu yang aku pinta
Semoga aku bah'gia dengannya

Enjoy the music video! :)

An Attempt at Poetry

I've had a great weekend. I spent my weekend with my brother, just watching tv and relaxing at home, having sing-alongs and laughs. We even recorded ourselves singing Belaian Jiwa and This I Promise You, and the beauty of it is, among the serious singing, we laughed at ourselves and each other, and had so much fun!

I've recently wrote poems, inspired by a certain someone. I wrote the first poem, and then wrote a second poem based on the first one. Confusing, no? I suck at writing poems. I wish I had poetry or creative writing classes back in university. My first poem is so cheesy, and the second one sounds like a nursery rhyme. Pathetic.

Anyway, I thought I'd share part of my poem here. Maybe just a verse, whatever it's called. :P I seriously see my poem as a song without a melody. Okay, maybe I'm delusional but who cares? Bear with me, will you?

Ignored it but I knew I'd fail
Refused it but to no avail
Love has no sight, no sense of smell
For your kind heart I truly fell
So here I am bending the rule
Oh heck, who cares, I am just a fool
Tearing my heart, baring my soul
As though I have a chance at all

Now, when I read it, it sounds like a witchery spell! Haha! Cheesy or not? I'm all ears.

Happy Monday!

Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved.  

~Christopher Paul Rubero

I Won't Miss You Anymore

Once upon a time, I had a crush on S. I was sure that S was not into me, but I guess I was in denial. I would call S, and S would talk to me for a bit. I was such a stalker! >.< One day, I called him just to say hi, and he asked if I'd like to talk to his friend, A. So I said okay.

A was super sweet. I didn't know if he was sincere to be friends with me, but he would always answer S's phone everytime I called. I know, silly, right? But A didn't have a phone, he claimed. Now that I think of it, maybe he did but he didn't want me to know his number. Anyway, yeah, we had so much in common. We love Silverchair and OAG, and he sung to me twice over the phone.

I met both S and A on the same day. I think S must have dragged A along because he would feel uncomfortable to be alone with me. A was friendlier than S, and I thought we clicked so well.

One day, A told me over the phone that he's going somewhere to further his studies, and I won't be able to contact him anymore. It was one of the saddest days of my life, because I knew it meant I would lose him and I've always wanted a platonic male best friend. Come to think of it, maybe he didn't want me to contact him for good, and he was just blowing me off. Nevertheless, I had good fun knowing him and S.

I was naive, but I was 20 or 21 back then, and so were S and A. We were all naive, I guess. Those were the days when life was simpler and things were cheaper. Okay I'm obviously rambling.

Getting back on point, I found out on Facebook today that A's name is not really A. So he lied to me about his name, which is fine. We're no longer friends anyway. He's happily married with two kids, and he has the cutest daughter.

I've always wondered for years about A and his whereabouts. Now that all my questions have been answered, I can stop wondering.

Thank you A for the temporary friendship and for the memories. I doubt that you'd remember me, but thank you nonetheless.

Here's a song by Silverchair called Miss You Love, dedicated to A. You might never come across this post, but it's for you anyway. Thank you.

Remember today, I've no respect for you

And I miss you love

No Catchy Title For This Post

How would you feel if you parents accuse you of stealing? How would you feel if your mother suspects you of withdrawing her money from her bank account?

I cried last night. I cried so much that this morning when I woke up, I looked in the mirrow and saw these huge, ugly eyebags. Urgh.

I was really sad, but most of all, frustrated because despite my attempt to prove that I did not steal the money, my parents do not seem to believe me anyway. In fact, they didn't even move from where they were sitting when I asked them to have a look at the transaction details on the computer. I've never felt so disappointed.

The only good thing that happened last night was I had a chance to have a long talk with my brother. He went to my room after witnessing the whole thing. We sat on my bed and had the best talk, ever. It's been a while since we really talked about everything because he's always using the laptop computer at night and I always turn in early. It was a really good conversation; I needed it. I love you, Jojo, no matter what!

However, my brother is determined to leave home after our trip in October. He wants to go elsewhere, perhaps to KL to work and live there. And I will not be able to prevent him from doing so. I've been there in the situation, where I just want to leave. In fact, I still do. I want to leave now, so very badly. I thought my parents would be happy that I'm home, but apparently not. I'm just another mouth to feed, another burden.

I love my parents, and I always forgive their shortcomings, but last night was just too much. Sure, they denied everything, but did they apologise for making me feel like I'm being accused of something I didn't do? No. Not even a single sorry.

Call us ungrateful, call us anak derhaka, judge us as you will. You don't know our parents, and you'll never do. We do.

How I Came to Love English

My bff and I text every day. Well, almost every day actually. Contrary to popular belief, bffs don't talk to each other every day; we give each other space too, you know.

Yesterday, she told me that she has started reading English children's story books to her baby before bedtime. Her baby is not even one yet, but I'm glad that she's so enthusiastic about educating her baby. She wants her son to grow up knowing how to speak English fluently.

I would do the same thing when I have children in the future. I would want my kids to learn English at a young age, as children pick up quicker when they are very young. However, I would also want my kids to learn Malay and our mothertongue. I'm a proud Selakau or Salako, which is considered part of Bidayuh, although our language is totally different from say, Bidayuh from Padawan or Bau.

Growing up, I didn't have anyone to converse in English with. We communicate in Malay mixed with Selakau at home, even until now. My parents were educated in a secondary school with English as its medium, but my father speaks English more fluent than my mother.

When I was in primary school, my father would help me with spelling and dictation, and I've always scored in both. I wish I have my books to show for! I would excel in oral and reading too, as well as writing compositions and tests. However, I was not fluent when it comes to speaking with others.

As I entered secondary school, I gained more confidence about speaking in public, although I was still shy. I would always feel nervous each time my English teacher called my name to read a passage in class, fearing that I might make a mistake when pronouncing long words or worse, stammer. However, each time after, I would feel this overwhelming confidence, thinking wow, I should have volunteered to read more often in class.

Boybands were huge back then, and I was a big fan. British boybands were formed, and I would buy the now-not-in-production UK magazine called Smash Hits (1978-2006). I would read and at the same time, a colleague of my father gave me his old Oxford dictionary, which I treasured until today. That dictionary was like my bff; I would read my pop magazines and refer to Mr. Oxford for definitions and pronounciations.

I have my Form 2 English teacher to thank the most, though. If it wasn't for her, I won't be good in writing or fluent in English at all. One day, she called my name to read out a passage, and although I was nervous, I did well. She praised me in front of my classmates, saying that I had good diction, and everything I read was clear. I was overjoyed. I was beaming the whole day, although I did not show it. She gave me the confidence and I don't think she had any idea how her praises affected me. Since that day, I started conversing in English with my classmates more, and I gained more confidence each day. I have loved English ever since, and for my SPM, I excelled in both SPM English and English 1119.

If you're reading this and want to improve your English, don't hesitate. Just go ahead, speak, write, even sing if you want to. Singing helps too, but only if you choose the right songs. Lol! Make the dictionary your companion, and don't be lazy to refer to it whenever you come across bombastic words. Writing is not about using big words, but using simple words to convey the same message. My teacher used to say, the bigger the words you use, the higher the chance for you to make mistakes. Nevertheless, always learn from those mistakes, and don't be shy to make one.

I hope my sharing inspires you in some ways. I'm still learning too, so please pardon my English. :P Have a great, productive week. :)

Learn a new language and get a new soul.  ~Czech Proverb

Ask, Seek, Knock

I've successfully booked and paid for two return tickets for my brother and I. Where to? You can probably guess. Anyway, now we'll need to earn and save more money for our accommodation, food and shopping.

I'm hoping to be able to add more new stocks on my online store. That's the only way I can generate more money, other than joining bazaars. I'm hoping to join one in April. Keeping my fingers crossed! If Jojo and I can both get a job, than it would be awesome.

God has been really kind to us lately. I think praying daily helps, just like it has been helping me a lot all the while. I haven't been a great Christian, but I'm trying my very best to pray every day. Heck, I pray a few times a day, every day. The prayers help me deal with all the negativities around me, and they help me avoid feeling depressed.

Image source - zazzle.com

I'm not showing off how much I pray, but I'm just sharing that it works, no matter what you believe in. When there's no one else to turn to, turn to God. He's always there. If He doesn't answer you immediately, He just wants you to be patient and to have faith in Him. Trust me.

I've been listening to a lot of music lately. Been listening to Narmi, getting back to listening to OAG, and some old and new stuff. I want to go for karaoke! I read that Radhi and OAG is coming back with a new album. Yay!

Oh wasn't Adele awesome at the recent Grammy's? Congrats, Adele! I heard that she'll be taking a 5-year break from the music industry, which is a great move. She deserves it anyway. All the best, Adele!

I have quite a number on projects on hold, actually. I really need to get them done, because I've been procrastinating lately. Good luck to me! :) Happy Thursday peeps!

Cair by Narmi

My bff Yenny and I used to talk about love whenever we meet. I really miss those late night pillow talks, but I'm so happy for Yenny because she has found her soulmate. I on the other hand, am still mending my broken heart. I tried to be strong, to be brave and to not reminisce, but two nights ago, I lost it. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I couldn't sleep well, and all I could do was pray for God to take away the pain of losing that thing called love.

Sure, I've been chatting a lot lately, but meeting men online is totally different from meeting them in person. I was told I should put myself out there more, but how do I do that? Why should I put myself out there anyway? Isn't it God's promise to bring the one to us? Or do we have to find the one ourselves?

Until last night when I watched What Men Want, I have stopped believing that my dream man exists. I guess he does exist. That skype-on-rooftop scene with Narmi strumming his guitar and singing the girl to sleep, that scene did it for me. Whether it was real or staged, it worked. I melted. And the girl Narmi was singing to, has a boyfriend. Wow. Just wow.

This is a Malay song by Narmi, called Cair, which means melt in Malay. I really didn't know Narmi is actually the drummer for One Buck Short. Pretty sure he has girls throwing themselves at him, now that he's on What Men Want on NTV7 and he plays the guitar and sing too.

Cair is such a beautiful song. Narmi has the voice too. I hope someday I'll meet someone who'd make me cair. This is for my friends, Ida and Dhiya. I love you gals! I wish you single ladies will find someone who'll make you melt too. Enjoy the song!

Music by : Narmi
Lyrics by : Izaad Amir


1st verse
Oh indahnya 'pabila
khabarnya kau akan tiba
di hadapanku
Jiwa resah menunggu
Fikiran pun bercelaru
menantikanmu

Bridge
Tak kira apa pun menghalang, aku sanggup
Ku tahu kau pasti kan datang

Chorus
Hanya kau mampu
Terangi malamku
Redupkan mata
Dan aku tersipu
Cair bersamamu

2nd verse
Hilang kawalan diri
Aku tersenyum sendiri
Memikirkan mu
Biarkan perasaan
Bawa ku terbang ke awan
Dan aku tenang

Bridge
Walau pun hanya seketika, engkau pergi
Kucari dan bawamu semula
Ke sini

Chorus
Hanya kau mampu
Terangi malamku
Redupkan mata
Dan aku tersipu
Cair bersamamu


Lyrics taken from Narmi's FB Page and edited by me. :)

Valentine's Day Gifts for Girls Who Dislike Roses and Chocs

Yup, I don't like roses and chocolates. I used to like chocolates, but I realised that they do nothing but shoot my sugar and serotonin levels up temporarily. I have never liked roses, although the idea itself is romantic, and I'm a sucker for romance. However, roses will wilt and die, and chocolates, well, melt and end up on my bum. Lol!

If you're looking for cooler things to make or get for your dream gal, you're reading the right blog. Here are the things that girls like me would love on Valentine's Day, instead of the predictable roses and choc combo.

Warning:
These will probably only work for girls like me, who love music, food, enjoy reading, or is a Capricorn. Lol!

1) Magazine subscriptions
Yeah, this is easy. If your girl loves reading, or enjoy a bit of Hollywood gossip, get her a year's subscription of her favourite magazine. Think Cosmopolitan, US Weekly, Vogue or Elle. If she's like me, she'd appreciate Readers' Digest, National Geographic, or even comics. Look for UK crafting magazines too. We'll love you for feeding our souls.

2) Mixtape
Okay, so we don't use cassette tapes anymore, so it shouldn't be called a mixtape. But yeah, be it in a cd or a memory card, it's still a mixtape, which is a mix of her favourite songs. It could also be a mix of your favourite songs that you want her to listen to, or a mix of the songs that you'd like to dedicate to her. I love them all. No one has ever given me a mixtape before. I guess I have been dating the wrong guys, lol!

Here's the list of 10 songs that I currently love and you could include:

1) Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade
2) Letters to You by Finch
3) I Miss You by Incubus
4) Unintended by Muse
5) I'll Be by Edwin McCain
6) Can't Get You Out of My Thoughts by Dum Dums
7) Could Not Ask For More by Edwin McCain
8) The Greatest View by Silverchair
9) What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction
10) Wish You Were Here by Avril Lavigne

I'm pretty sure you could come up with better song choices. I had to include One Direction in that list because I think it's an appropriate song for the girl you like. So sue me!

3) A Collage of Photos
You might need some assistance from your sister with this if you're not good in crafting, but the end result would be so worth it.

Just print out photos of you and your girl, cut them and arrange them on a mounting board. Decorate it with things that remind you of her, or of your dates. Movie tickets, concert ticket stubs, even dinner receipts would make cool additions to the collage.

You could also make a collage in a large photo frame for her to hang on her bedroom wall. I would surely love this gift, and love you more for your effort.

4) Go YouTube on Her!
Yes! Why not? If you can play a musical instrument, let's say a guitar, this is a very easy way to woo a girl. Just pick a sappy, romantic love song, learn the chords, record yourself playing it, and upload it on YouTube. If you can sing, all the better. I don't know any girls who wouldn't love being serenaded in front of the whole world.

Think Jason Chen and Sam Tsui. Super cute guys who can sing. ;)

My first boyfriend could play the guitar, and he played and sung for my over the phone. It was the most romantic thing, ever. Sigh.

5) Homemade Dinner and Dessert
If you can cook, this is a plus. It's a sure fire to get to the girl's heart. Dessert is the fun part, though. You could make homemade chocolate truffles, and present your actual Valentine's Day gift too. (See #1 to #4)

Please note that this is written based on my own preferences. It may not represent the best Valentine gifts for most girls, so you should tailor the ideas accordingly. Good luck!

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep,

because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss

My Beloved BFF

If you know me like my brother does, or if you follow my blog, or if you're one of my friends on Facebook, you'll know by now that Yenny is my one and only best friend.

I love Yenny to death. Seriously, I would do anything and everything for her. She's my bff, and we've been bffs since forever. We've been close since 2005, I think, but I've known her since matriculation, back in 2000. That makes it at least a 10-year friendship.

10 years is a long time for a friendship. Yenny and I have been through so much. We've held hands through each others' breakups, and we both know our deepest secrets. We've done so many fun things too, from going for movie marathons, which I missed so much, to going for field trips with her in Pahang and saw her caught bats for her research.

She's a Capricorn like me, and although I'm a Rooster and she's a Monkey according to our Chinese zodiac, we don't have much problems. I really cannot recall if I've ever been annoyed or irritated with her at all. We support each other through everything, and now we both have online businesses that we both can be proud of. She's also the one who convinced me that I could be happier, and that I could do without so-and-so. She was right, and the only thing I regret is not listening to her sooner.

She's too cool, I think she's cooler than me by so many levels. She's my idol too, because she's way friendlier than I am, and she attracts attention everywhere she goes. I wish I could be as friendly as she is, but I don't think I can handle all those attention. I mean, she attracts guys everywhere, like ants to sugar!

We've had countless of sleepovers, usually me spending time at her place. I missed those! We'd watch our favourite tv series, such as One Tree Hill (she loves Chad Michael Murray), order Domino's pizzas, forget our diet, and talk about girly stuff all day.

The happiest moment for us was probably when she got married. It still feels like yesterday. Now she has a super cute baby Qaleed, whom I'd like to meet someday.

Dear Yenny, if you're reading this, know that I love you so much, and there's nothing that can replace our memories and our friendship. Even though we're far apart, you'll always be in my heart. I haven't thanked you enough, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I hope to see Yenny and her baby Qaleed sometime this year. Hope I'll be able to save for plane tickets. Happy friendship day, every day!

Grow Old With You

I've never watched The Wedding Singer (1998), but I've heard this song called Grow Old With You by Adam Sandler before. Today, Mr. Leo actually dedicated this song to me. Oh joy! The movie also stars Drew Barrymore, one of my favourite actresses.

The lyric's a little cheesy, but it's oh-so-sweet. No one has ever dedicated any songs to me before, which makes this song extra special.

This is such a cute animation video. I hope you'll like it too!

To Mr. Leo, thank you! <3

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you